What You Should Not Tell Your Kids During A Divorce

Published on 10 June 2021 at 16:24


Divorces are tragic! They have the power to cause pain almost as much as the death of a family member. The pain brings out the devil in even the best of the people. During the phases of divorce, parents turn to grow aggressive in many matters. The ones getting hurt the most by the fallout are children. It is even more difficult for kids to manage the new dynamic when their parents remarry. 


Adjusting to the new dynamics during a divorce is not just tough for the kids, but also the parents. The absence of a once-relevant family member has a huge impact. It takes time and effort to succumb to the change. The parent must not lose their calm. They must do so to avoid making mistakes that they might regret the rest of their lives. Knoxville divorce attorneys know how to handle such a sensitive situation. They can provide you with the necessary insight on what steps to take further to avoid these mistakes.


Blame the children

Parents tend to blame their children even when they wished they wouldn’t. They end up hurting their children. It can affect the mindset of the child; they start worrying that it is their fault. They think that this separation is because of any of their mistakes. They think it is their wrongdoings that led their parents to divorce - because they weren’t a good son/daughter. Especially the young children- a fear is established in the back of their minds. Just like how their parents stopped loving each other, the kids fear that they would stop loving them as well. And that they would have to go through the same emotional turmoil once again. The fear of double blows affects the mentality of the child. Parents should make sure that they do not stop showing their children the love and affection they have for them.


Blame the other parent in front of your children

Single parenting is tough! There are days when you just want the constant anxiety of the future to stop. Amid the breakdown, you might end up blaming the other parent. That it was their fault that your relationship did not work. It was because of something the other parent did that ruined the marriage or endless other reasons. You don’t have anyone to talk to, so you vent it out on your children. You let them know of these problems and form a negative image of the other parent in their mind. Your child will then suffer a dilemma. They will be confused between two personas:


  1. The one of their mother/father that they know of and 
  2. The one that you have created in front of them


Middleman conversation

Divorces rarely occur on positive terms. Even if the marriage ends on negative terms, there are times when the two parents still try to maintain a formidable relationship for the sake of their children. But when parents cannot even manage to do that, they turn their children into middlemen. They make their children have conversations with the other parent that they should be having with each other. They fail to realize that there are some conversations that you cannot have with your children. Your children are not supposed to carry your burden unless they are of the right age.


Providing child support after a divorce

Your Knoxville attorneys can help you figure out the right step to provide support to your child after a divorce. Again, this is a conversation that occurs between the two parents. It is not the type of conversation you would want your kids to know about. Your kids need to focus on channeling the impacts of the divorce in the right direction. Discussing materialistic and money matters with your kids will not be of any help to the child’s mental health. 


“Your mother/father married me for my money”. No child wants to hear that. What your child needs to hear is how to be responsible with their money. They need to be shown how not to overspend what they have. They need to be shown how to be organized with their money. The adults need to discuss money/materialistic matters, not kids.


Play dumb, denial

Parents forget that their children can also read faces and feel emotions. They know when their parent is unhappy or angry. Parents tend to play dumb and pretend everything is normal in front of their kids. They should be rather teaching their kids how to accept the new changes and face the upcoming problems in life. Talking to your kids, letting them know of the prospects, are some ways a parent can prepare their child for what’s to come. This will help your child understand you better. It will also help them to grow and mature in several aspects of life.


Not seek professional help

You cannot blame a parent for being possessive when it comes to their kids. But being possessive to a point where you are in complete denial of your child’s mental state is incorrect. Divorces have a huge impact on your children’s behavior. It creates emotional turmoil for the entire family. But for the kids, the situation can be quite scary, confusing, and frustrating. If taken for granted, your child can end up taking unimaginable steps. 


Knoxville lawyers can help your child to cope with a divorce. They can help you understand the mentality of your child during a divorce. They can even help you how to navigate through them. A third-party perspective is best for sensitive situations. It helps you understand what rational steps need to be taken.


At times, children start to wish things would go back to the way they were. The older ones only want an amicable friendship between their parents. Any relationship takes work; a friendship with exes is no exception. It is all about the effort. In the end, all children want a peaceful, happy relationship with both of their parents. The greatest gift parents can receive after the divorce is their child’s respect.


To conclude

Talking things out with your children will always help. But a parent should practice caution and think carefully before they speak. The simplest of conversations are sensitive to address during a divorce. Divorce lawyers in Knoxville TN provide you with the perfect guidance you need to find unlocking a new normal.

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Melissa Creech
21 days ago

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